Staying Alive

I have recently treated my self with the the opportunity of learning Bharatanatyam, it was a long awaited dream to start learning any of the classical dance forms and interestingly this time I made it come true.

The quest to learn dance was I always there, in my childhood my parents recall one of the instances where I pestered my mom to help me dress up for a cultural event in the nursery school which was popularly know as a Bal Mandir in the town. it was suppose to be an annual event and she came along with me to see what I am up to. Finally I went on stage and  told to the organizers that I wish to dance and my mother would sing for me, as to what I recall she has never sung in her life, other than the popular aartis and bhajans which are mandatory during poojas. She flatly refused to comprehend any request of accompanying with singing, in fact looking at the scenario she asked me pack up for home. I was sure I want to do this so I told them that I can mange singing myself , I sang and danced, oh! I also remember the song it was "nani teri morni ko moor le gaye baki jo baha tha kale choor le gaye," I was hardly two and a half years old then and life has changes so much now but still the feeling it gives immense relaxation, joy and peace.

The tread to tracing out a dance class been quite interesting, I have been looking out for a place which needs to be closer to my work place or say closer to my residence in Mumbai commuting eats more time and energy than to what leads to actual results, also the fact that the probability to attend the class was directly proportional  to the distance, thus to curl out the risk of not attending made it more apt to look for places close by. Finally I landed up to a class which is run by a trust dedicated to Fine Arts. As i was very ken on joining something soon and they had a obligation towards new batches to start with Dussera, I lost the first battle to time, the right time to do the right things is so much defined. Well but to my aid the lady at the reception motivated me with her cheerful smile. We had some initial exchange of thoughts regarding why I wish to join and what is it that I am aiming to gain out of this drill, what are my limitations considering work timings, etc. by the time the mutual exchange of essentials got over she  suggested me to join western dance classes which are also run in the same campus. Thought not too much inclined initially, but sooner she convinced me to give it a try. And there I was going Salsa, foxtrot, was a gang of some teens who use to teach dance, to them it was quite a fun and one can see the enthusiasm of learning -teaching among them, few of them were overwhelmed with the fact that they teach and  evaluate people double to their age!

Later on as that got over I switched to the classical dance class, I missed the inauguration as it was on Vijaya Dashmi and I was traveling to east, I also missed a couple of classes and latter on woke up one fine day and reached to the class, the youngest one was perhaps less than 3 years old and the oldest one was 12 years old as and then it was me all in first year, the teacher initially assumed me to mother of any of the students in her class, its off late that she recognized that am a student. She also warned me that I have to be on time and if I miss I need to cop up with my batch mates! the students were very happy to see me dancing, most of them were so well dressed with uniform and other accessories that I felt deceitful to the cause. well due to course of events I could not make it to any other class and the chapter seems to be closed for now.


But soon I found another class Kanakalay, again very closer to my place, its just a signal away and its also close to office (seemed like a win win situation) I called up and fixed an appointment, I meet R she lives close by and is working as a teacher in a near by school, she takes up dance classes on Sundays, considering her family and job commitments. She is very warm and polite, thus it was easier to get along to discuss on what brings me to Kanakalay we quickly got each other it seems and soon she helped me with some interesting ideas to work out along the existing odds, we then chalk out a tentative plan to help me accomplish my long awaited dream, and here I was on that sunny Sunday afternoon making my way through the muddled traffic with a gleeful feeling deep in my heart. P' was here , he requested me so many times to postpone it but I was adamant to trace my path through all odds, as I was already late to meet her, (I promised to join it in mid feb and it was already March !) I just hurriedly  waved a goodbye to P' and moved on! I think my friends have not got use to my strange ways, though I have to also get use to it myself , but then also somehow, sometimes I feel too guilty of not standing by them, especially when they want me to be around.

Well, reaching on time for the class and learning namaskar eased me out of my  varied thoughts, it moved me over with all what if, not it, and but to a different stream.

On my way back, I choose to walk, I usually do so when I want some time off.  I drove myself with utter delight, tapping my foot on every inch of the road, as if whispering to each and every stone and pebble on this concrete road to make it aware of what I am up to today. Its quite a familiar route, I go for my long walks through the same lanes, and almost cross through the same buildings , take the same turns, but for today I took a long turn , took a new route (not knowing which lane it would lead to) thinking now- and then about how the day went off? Oh! it was a perfect day and I wish more of it to come in, I am still floating with the thoughts of it being so close to be true! :) I need more time to get back to the real world again.

Something which I feel gives me bliss is to see how life unfolds itself ,its a great fun to discover that how life is about these small things falling in place and making place for the bigger ones to come along, its worth the pain of living every day. Also how one needs to work around to find ways for ones fears to let  off and make way for new dreams to come home. At times it may require great deal patience and  persistent efforts to bring oneself on terms with the realities,  with ones own thoughts, with oneself. Some  work around with the choice matrix is also needed to make space and concur with the essentials, in the city of  opportunity  and  multiple choices I once again welcomed myself to this journey of reason , thoughts, choices , conflicts , rational and understanding, I wish myself with more such days to come and more over more of such leisure time to feel, and feel alive !

Irises

                                        Irises , 1889 by Vincent Van Gogh

 I have been reading about Vincent Van Gogh, I loved this piece of art! Its known that he drew this while he was in an asylum just before his death, he named this painting as the lightning conductor of his illness. He believed that he could keep himself from going insane by continuing to paint and being closer to his art.

I have been trying my hands with pastel colours and stretching my arms to the  canvas. My experience reveals that its of immense pleasure to draw, to put your hands into colours, to feel the fragrance of a new shade, and to try and differentiate it from the rest. It's a matter of profound joy for oneself to give shape to the flowing thoughts, to carve though the blank sheets while racing around with one's own thoughts and keeping pace  with one's own imagination.   Interestingly, I feel it has been a mirror to myself, it helps to some what make a sense of the absurdness I juggle with, the obscure the ambiguous, which keeps changing , shifting, drifting like a pendulum from known to unknown, from dark to lighter shades of different volumes inside me.

As I explore deeper, art has helped me to open up the doors of the unseen - unsaid secrets of my mind, my thoughts, my wishes. it has helped me somewhat understand my relation with the rest of the world,and last not the least it has been of vital support to help me calm down.

When ever I come across some art work, its interesting to observe the way the colors are embarked, it narrates the story of how a thought would have probably traveled, the different strokes lay down on the specimen dig deeper into the emotions and the varied way a though can travel.

more over I love paintings as its a backward journey you see something and with the theorems of colours , lines and shades you travel back to what is it all about , what is the engrossed thought that arose into and how it has traveled.

So, for now am hooked up with Vincent, his life and art. Every work of his has great de it has a great deal of eshness and beautifully captured in paintings of landscape as well as portraits. for now I would call it a day.

Weaving on

Hellos!

After years of motivation from a dear friend A' I have been thinking for quite some time now to put my random thoughts down on paper (virtually again!). Thought the question of what, why and for whom has been constantly occupying my mind and for a pretty long time I have been juggling with the theonomics of blogging.

While battling with my own self, where a part of me said me to try for at least once,  with the extend of argument that its a good choice to start up jotting down what I have live , feel, experience, experienced and learned whether through hard and pampered ways of life, may be like a memoir, a diary, a reminiscence.

Though, for long I have been reluctant to the idea of noting things for life's being a happening affair you see! I have had so many things in a day that a diary has been always far off my imagination. Being honest its more over that I am a little reluctant to voice out (esp. the experiences I had because of high degree of emotional involvement thus, putting it down in any form was out of question and over a period become a mental block), to add to jilt is that am an over ambitions person So, at times I plan out things and then contemplate on the  very thought of it because of lack of time or being more correct writing never came to the priority list it has always taken up a back seat, being  lazy takes it to the perfect ending.But I do dream and I end up spending a major chunk of my day in day dreaming, ranging from what if I colours can reflect a violet to its best if I wish to paint in like a winter clustered flower, to the name of my would be dog (I have spend so much time and put in so many efforts that I can start an entire blog on it !) So, well ruminating on all the possible things I encounter becomes my moral obligation to spend time on. A lot of people equate a dreamer and an idle person as the two sides of a coin , but let me enlighten you that its different, I'll soon elaborate in one of my post, for now lets consider that it is my attitude of procasting that has been a strong huddle to my writing. And over a period I have also developed a strong reluctance to over come it.

the other day talking to a close pal P with whom I casually shared that am thinking of becoming a writer, as I dont like writing why not do it to come out of the fears, also I have been trying things i love to do but taking up as a profession I am skeptical of losing interest into them.... He told me start a blog, have a try run, anyways you wish to take it as a profession so at least try it out. I know he must be wondering what a weird rational this psycho has, she keeps on talking of changing jobs every now and then, more over this time its about taking up to something she already hates... she s definitely going to invite troubles if she jumps into something and more over will eat our heads for not giving lending our brains......! But anyways I took it in the spirit of motivation, with a lot of reluctance though...!

So, after a great deal of thought, I have convinced myself  to overcome this mental dilemma and step forward to experiment with writing. The question was diary or a blog or if it needs to be electronic why not my gmail (where I have enough stuff enough in my draft flolder with tags for reference, every interesting link gets space there, any vital experiences is noted there) though I rate blog as an effective means  to share, edit, customize and circulate among friends and definitely I would not rate it above a diary and my draft box but definitely a blog gives a sense of public space which caters to intersting dimensions !

My initial try run was very interesting more than any post I was playing with template and layout! So it has been a jazzy affair for quite sometime when I use to spend time with endless random clicks and help references to figure out how to go about the technicalities. I feel everyday more profoundly about myself and my enhancing technical skills ;)when with one click I explore that I have bring down some changes in colour / design somewhere, so for now its learning phase thats counts on! But still its not complete..

What if you have friends like A' who keep on motivating you with lovely, spellbound notes, who also tempt you with their post to kick you on to comment and be a part of the game, and it has worked over years that now I am here to write, not for anyone else but for her (though A' has been telling me Aartee if its writing you wish to do, do it to please yourself and feel inspired..:) So definitely, I feel good, inspired but more over I feel proud of to have such friends along to share this journey of words, thoughts and experiences.



So A' my first post comes to be true because of you! I wish I can write more and as you have said am on the way to come to terms with writing for oneself, to feel good and be inspired!

love

A'Rtee